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‘Riddick’ stands as misfortunate mess in monochrome

Submitted by Caleb Mitchell on September 24, 2013 – 2:13 pmNo Comment

When I heard that Vin Diesel’s testosterone-laden action franchise “The Chronicles of Riddick” would be getting a long-awaited sequel, I, unlike a lot of people, could not have cared less. I have never watched a single “Riddick” film, nor had any interest to, as the films were a favorite of my younger brother, with whom I’ve come to blows in terms of taste. By direct correlation, he likes a film series such as “The Chronicles of Riddick”, and I automatically lose any interest in it.

That said, I of course ended up seeing the movie anyway, and dear god, it was worse than I ever imagined. Quite frankly, I’m appalled that in 2013 a film like “Riddick” could even get past the drawing board. “ I could easily write a novella of things wrong with “Riddick”, so instead allow me to present with a small list of things that stood out the most.

  • · The CGI: Is that the wind rippling in the background of every single frame, or the green screen?

  • · The acting: I think in one scene I might have heard some inflection in somebody’s voice…maybe.

  • · The plot: Or rather, the lack thereof.

  • · The stereotypes: Wow, there’s only one female on the entire planet? Hmmm…she’s rather masculine. Oh, of course, she’s a lesbian!

  • · The character development:

  • · The visuals: Every single frame is the same five shades of yellow and/or brown. Every. Single. Frame. This film looks absolutely hideous. Actually, it looks sick. Like it has malaria.

But did “Riddick” have any redeeming features? The answer is “yes,” but the idea of me racking my brain for a solid 15 minutes to think of any positives does not bode well for director David Twohy, who also created the film’s predecessor . While it does start off mind-numbingly boring – I was repeatedly falling asleep through the first half hour – “Riddick” picks up about midway and becomes marginally watchable. And though the dialogue is painfully cheesy and filled with cringe-inducing one-liners, the occasional moment of humor or a rare, witty comeback briefly shines through the rest of this sordid affair with a glimpse of hope that things will soon pick up.

If you haven’t gotten the bigger picture by now, allow me to summarize my thoughts on with this final paragraph: “Riddick” is bad. It is very, very bad. The reward for watching this 1 hour and 59 minute-long pile of dreck leaves nothing but a lingering feeling that you just wasted valuable time that could’ve been better spent doing anything else. I’m all for the occasional mindless action flick, but “Riddick” is so offensively stereotypical and dull that I can’t recommend it to anyone, save for the hardcore franchise fans or individuals overwhelmingly desperate for their next sci-fi fix.

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